From Musician to Memoirist: A Journey Through Sound and Story
By Jennifer Lewis
Orenda Fink’s newly-published memoir, The Witch’s Daughter: My Mother, Her Magic, and the Madness That Bound Us, captures the intensity of surviving narcissistic abuse alongside the thrilling highs of her indie rock career, masterfully exploring how the music scene served as an escape from her homelife.
There are many desert stories woven throughout, including one where Fink meets her new neighbors, ex-New Yorkers and performance artists Julia Heyward and Perry Hoberman, “when Julia ran out from her Quonset studio shouting, ‘Hello! Hello! Are you artists?’ She said she could spot them from a mile away, which she did, quite literally.”
Fink’s discography includes over 16 records, including four solo albums. She has co-written with Moby and collaborated with Bright Eyes, Sparklehorse, and the Faint. Her work has been profiled in NPR, Pitchfork, Vanity Fair, and Rolling Stone. From the early days of Little Red Rocket to the folk duo Azure Ray with Maria Taylor, the memoir chronicles her big break with Geffen Records, hanging with Michael Stipe in Athens, the sting of a Courtney Love diss, and even casting a love spell on Jeff Mangum of Neutral Milk Hotel. As I read her book, I listened to the songs mentioned within, and I encourage readers to have their own nostalgic musical journey.
Fink experienced a profound transformation while writing her memoir, which led her to become a certified Jungian Depth Coach. She specializes in shadow work and dream interpretation. Speaking with The Joshua Tree Voice from her serene living room, Fink reflects upon her difficult decision to go no contact with her parents and the healing she’s found in both the high desert and her own inner work.
JTV: How has the desert contributed to your recovery from narcissistic abuse?
FINK: Some part of me wonders if there was a shift in my soul, going from a social butterfly, extending my energy outward, to pulling in my energy to a very small group of people. This is also part of my path to recovery from narcissistic abuse because I’m not searching for validation from as many people.
JTV: A prominent theme in your memoir is the exploration of identity. “When I was far from home, there was no one to save, no one and nothing to take care of, nothing to be responsible for. My identity, or my perceived identity, simply melted away and I felt genuine happiness and ease.” You illustrate the contrast between your success as a musician on the road and returning home to a place where that part of you wasn’t recognized. How did this duality shape your sense of self throughout your journey?
FINK: It’s a step of me trying to either claim or reclaim my identity—not the persona in Jungian terms, but my true self, which I’m not sure I ever actually really knew. I think that also speaks to the idea of me maybe thinking about moving out of music 15 years ago, but being so attached to that identity that I stayed in something that maybe wasn’t the most fulfilling path artistically.
All of that has come together for me in the desert, and COVID had its own weird gifts. We were having our Ruston Cole time, time is a flat-circle moment, for many months when everything was closed and we couldn’t see anybody. I didn’t know anybody. I had time to study Jungian work, and the shadow work started really chipping away at me. I learned what a codependent persona is, or how being a codependent to a narcissist informed my persona and my choices in life. And if I could start chipping away at that, what would I choose?
JTV: You weave the daily life of the desert into each section of the book, capturing it as a present moment and how it unfolds. Did this come about during the revisions?
Photo credit: Todd Fink
FINK: It really came in towards the end because, when I was on the precipice of going no contact with my parents, I really, for the first time, understood what the book was about. I did a massive rewrite, pulling out 40,000 words and writing 40,000 new ones. I had read Understanding the Borderline Mother by Christine Ann Lawson where she used the archetype of ‘The Witch’ to describe certain behaviors associated with borderline personality disorder. I was realizing then that my mother had borderline personality disorder and things were really deteriorating and falling apart in a spectacularly bad way. That’s why the desert ended up being the touchstone for the rest of the memoir, which had been written quite a bit earlier.
JTV: As a Jungian Depth Coach, what does a typical session involve?
FINK: There’s not much preparation except to have an open mind. People can either email me their dreams beforehand or bring them up during the session. But you don’t have to remember your dreams to do the work! You don’t have to come in with a dream. But if you do, the preparation is simply trying to remember every detail you can because every detail is important.
JTV: What is shadow work?
FINK: It’s that which is in the unconscious, which we reject in ourselves and other people. Generally, we’re triggered by things in our waking life, which causes our problems. It leads to stagnation, emotional overreactivity, and negative patterns. In shadow work, we start looking into those details to uncover what’s in the unconscious.
JTV: Since the book’s release, have people shared their stories with you about living with undiagnosed or untreated mental illness in their own families?
FINK: I’ve been receiving some really beautiful and intense direct messages that are very affirming. People express gratitude and share their own stories, highlighting similarities to mine. Some have said, ‘I wish I’d had this book earlier.’
Visit www.orendafinkcoaching.com to book a Dream Interpretation & Shadow Work Session.
Jennifer Lewis is a writer, editor, and publisher of Red Light Lit. She is the author of the short story collection The New Low, published by Black Lawrence Press.
