In early March of 2020, after struggling with severe depression for 27 years, I began taking a generic form of Zoloft. Seeking this kind of help for the state of my brain had been a very long time coming and an action that I had been on the precipice of for over a decade.
I had a diagnosis of Bipolar Type 2 – that meant I had swings between hypomania and deep trenches of paralyzing sadness. The latter was the more prominent of the fluctuations, which is the hallmark of the type 2 variation. Humans that hike with me through the course of my business would never know unless I told them, which does happen from time to time. After all, spending time in nature is an intimate experience and sometimes that’s the sort of thing that comes up.
The last 3.5 years of my life are a world apart from the previous 27. I am the model patient. Before, I was almost like an alcoholic: unpredictable, cold, occasionally ebullient, and stuck in bed for literal years of my life apart from the normal regimen of sleep.
I want anyone who suffers from an overdeveloped state of the human condition to know that there are options for help, and that taking those options might not mean that you turn into a robot or shell of a human being. I have never been more my true self than ever before. The gratitude I have for the result of going on meds is infinite and has imparted a distinct appreciation for the time I have left in my life…feeling like I lost so much of it to a brain that often wanted me dead.
You are not alone. I am not alone. If you need to, ask for help…but you can only do so when you’re ready.
Wandering Mojave Hiking Services offers guided hiking outings in Joshua Tree National Park lead by Owner/Operator Travis Puglisi.